I was dead

 

Long before I was alive

I was dead

Long before I felt

fear

despair

hopelessness

emptiness

I was dead

Long before I saw

tears

hurt

darkness

loneliness

I was dead

Long before I heard

cries

pounding of the heart

I heard about

love

life

I heard

forgiveness

I’m sorry

I heard

I love you

I was dead

Long before I was alive

You cut me off long before I got to begin our conversation

You dismissed the idea

Long before I was able to defend myself

You were convinced that I was a mistake

Long before I was able to say I love you

You criticized my actions

Long before I was able to lift a finger

You told me I couldn’t do anything right

Long before I was able to tell you I’m sorry

You believed that everything I say is a lie

Long before I could start telling you the truth

You killed me

Long before I was barely alive

That’s why I was dead

Long before I was alive

Because I chose to shut up and not listen

Because I chose to go my own way without telling you why

Because I chose to hide in fear and doubt instead of respect and trust

Because I chose to be silent about who I was

Because I chose to tell you lies to cover up the truth

The truth you denied long before I was able to ask for your help

The truth that I can’t understand all the things around me

The truth that all I ever wanted was to be fully understood and accepted for who I am

Not for my strengths

But for my weaknesses I try so hard to hide

Because I chose to die

Instead of living

knowing that I was hurting you

That I was causing you so much pain

But now I choose to live

For the same reasons when I chose to die

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